They notice

A blinking curser.

A quiet keyboard.

A dark room.

A quiet house.

Is this what I was waiting for?

A break.

That's what I told him I needed....

"I just need a break.  15 quiet minutes where no one knows where I am."

He tells me to take that time, take more time if I need it.

I sneak up into one of the bedrooms upstairs.

 No sooner do I lay down on the bed before I hear 

"where's mommy?"

Moments.

Mere moments before they noticed I was gone.

Admittedly my first thought was 

"See, it never lasts, the quiet, the break.  They always find me."

Yet I was quickly blanketed with this warm sense of worth.  

They notice me.

When I'm there, and when I'm not.

They notice.

Chilled guilt washes over me.
Hot tears wet my cheeks.

Don't wish away this time.

 I realize that all too soon the house will be quiet and I will long for the pitter patter of bare feet.  

I will ache for little voices to call out my name 100 times a day.

I may even miss my role as referee in sibling disagreements that happen all too often within the walls of this house our family calls home.

I'll want it back... time.

I know I'll want it back.

I want to be able to say that I was present.

Seasons change.

Kids grow up.

It's what they were born to do.

I want to be present.

Willing to give all of me in order to be the kind of momma that they deserve.

A momma who serves her family sacrificing all it takes in order to be fully present.

Because they notice.

They notice when I'm there, and when I'm not.

Who can find a virtuous woman? 

She is far more precious than jewels...
Strength and honor are her clothing, 

and she can laugh at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom, 

and loving instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the activities of her household and is never idle.
Her sons rise up and call her blessed.
He husband also praises her:
Many women are capable, but you surpass them all!
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised. 
~Proverbs 31:10, 25-30