Today was a day like the one I posted about here.
Don't get me wrong, it was actually a gloriously beautiful day.
We went to church, the kids played in the yard with their friends and we even spent time at Grandma Dot's. The weather was stellar and the cool breeze has been whispering through my window all afternoon.
Yep, it was beautiful.
But I was tired.
My patience a bit too short.
The guilt of my shortcomings weighing heavy on my shoulders.
I just so desperately want to do right by them.
I deeply desire to be patient, so very patient.
I long to give them all the attention that they deserve while still encouraging them to be independent with a graceful confidence.
I want to make all the right choices, have all the right answers and lead without ever wavering.
I guess, in short, I want to be perfect.
The perfect mom.
I'm not, never will be.
Even still, He chose me.
I'm not perfect.
But HE is.
I'll lean on him.
I'll ask him to lead
I'll trust that he will.
He will go before me.
This week we will celebrate the birth of both of my children.
The grandest of gifts that I will ever be given while on this earth.
Gifts that I so desperately prayed for.
I will spend my life thanking God for choosing me.
I will spend my life depending on his guidance.
I will spend my life praying that they will see Him when they look at me.
I will spend my life praying that they will live sold out for the very one who gave them life, our almighty God.
And as for today...
I will lay down my guilt along with my imperfections.
I will grab the hand that is reaching for mine and I will walk with Him, I will follow, for I was never meant to lead...